Thing 8 - The smell of smoke and dirty diapers

Day 4 of my medication, and I've graduated from 1 pill day (half strength) to 2 pills/day. I've had to start eating breakfast (this is new to me, I'm not an "eat before noon" person) so the meds will not upset my stomach, but I can live with that. (We'll add "weight loss" to the list once Thing 8 is done!)

This will sound strange to anyone who's never been a smoker, and will make perfect sense to anyone who is/was... but yesterday, for the first time in years, I actually smelled smoke on my clothes. I know, it's strange... but when you smoke, you just don't smell it. Not sure if it's that your nose really gets that messed up, or if you just get that used to it... but by the middle of yesterday, I was disgusted with myself and had to change my shirt. Gross? Yes. Progress? Yes!

Mind you, I get to keep smoking until Quit Day (Day 8 - this Friday). It takes the full 7 days to get the meds into my system. And then on Magic Quit Day, I increase the dosage again from 2 half-strength pills/day to 2 full-strength pills/day (blue ones, instead of white). Here's what I'm up against, and this is only one month's worth (out of 3)!

Oh... and yesterday, I actually smelled a dirty diaper. Gosh, those things stink! I suppose it's a drawback I can live with, though for at least a few more weeks, I may actually pretend (as my husband accuses me of anyway!) that I just can't smell them...

Thing 8 - Step 3

Thing 8 - Step 3: Remortgage house to pay for The Pill.

Holy cow, $120.99 for the "starter month" kit. Holy cow! Did I mention, "Holy Cow"!?!?! That's 40 packs of smokes!! (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I'll recoup it from not buying smokes in the future, but for right now? Ouch!)

That said, though, today, I think, was a good progress day. I went to the doctor, who was more than happy to write the prescription even before I'd finished telling her all the reasons I needed it. I didn't even have to beg (yes, I was prepared to do that). The packaging is very complicated. I have a Master's Degree, but it is not in Physics, Engineering or Rocket Science, so I'm not sure I can figure it all out... but I've swallowed the first pill, along with a little prayer that it was the right pill.

I'm supposed to pick a quit date (Day 7 or Day 8), but can "smoke normally" until then. I'm just supposed to not want to smoke as much after a few days. After that, I'm supposed to keep taking these little pills for 11 more weeks, and can do a second 12 week treatment if it still hasn't worked. Yeah, let's pay $120.99/month for 3 more months, for something that doesn't work.

OK, cynicism aside.... Step 3 was to get/take The Pill, and I've done that. On to Step 4, whatever that is....

Thing 8 - Step 2

Clearly, I'm making this up as I go along. As I said in my last post, I have no idea how many steps Thing 8 (Be a Non Smoker) will entail and much as it kills me (yes, I'm a classic Type A), I'm actually trying very hard not to plan this out too far in advance... too much pressure! That said, I love making lists (thus the 5 Things blog to begin with), so here is Step 2, my quick list of reasons to quit smoking. I know there are a million more and I may add them later, but here are the ones off the top of my head, in no particular order. (Purpose of this list, by the way, is to remind myself later when my head is splitting and I can't remember exactly why I put this Thing on my list in the first place.)

1. I want to stop having nightmares about telling my little girls that I won't be around to watch them grow up.
2. I want to be around to watch my little girls grow up, and their kids, too.
3. I want to stop feeling "ugly" for being a nasty smoker.
4. I want to stop hearing the comments and getting "the look" when people I know learn that I smoke.
5. I want to taste food again.
6. I want my husband to stop telling me I'm only pretending that I can't smell the baby's diaper as an excuse to not change it. (Gross, I know... and it's not that I really want to smell the baby's diaper, but, well, you get the point....)
7. I want to stop spending $3.00+ / day on something that's literally going up in smoke.
8. I want to stop planning my schedule around "will I have time to smoke?"
9. I want to stop smelling like an ash tray.
10. I do not want my next x-ray to look like the picture on the right:

11. I want to chase my kids around without getting winded.

12. I want to be the person that I want to be. (Smoking is not on my "to be" list.)

13. I want to say that I did this, once and for all... and then, I'll know I can do anything.

My Next Thing

This one is a biggie, and I've thought long and hard about committing to this publically. I'm not sure if it will be more or less difficult than Thing 4 was (go an entire day without getting frustrated), but I'm ready to put it out here in cyberspace, for everyone to see...

Thing 8: (gulp!!) Be a non-smoker

Notice that I didn't say "quit smoking," as I already know (from 13 years of unsuccessful attempts) that "quitting" is way too daunting for yours truly... so instead of "quitting" (which is way too hard), I'm going to make it "be a non-smoker." Semantics? Yes. But hey... whatever works.